Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
