What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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