That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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