thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
