I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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