I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
