i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
