what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My ass is underappreciated
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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