fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
