So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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