Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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