I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
