i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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