I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
