haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
