just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
