I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
