the condom got lost in my hair
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
