At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
