my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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