i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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