franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
