I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
