hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize