Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
50% drunk capacity currently
this hospital has no fireball
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
