I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
