I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
