He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
