You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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