Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
