A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
