he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
