i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize