I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
