i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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