gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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