there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
