Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
