Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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