How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
