i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
