Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
