hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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