At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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