i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize