I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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