how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
