Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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