i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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