Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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