Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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