It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize