I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
