i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
