Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
