I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
