Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
