I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
