I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
