Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
