I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
