..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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