I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
