Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
