I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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