im six kinds of drunk right now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
