Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
