even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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